come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
