I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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