Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
