took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I did not marry a roomba.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
