i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
