i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
