And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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