hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
