THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
