do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize