god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
even my farts smell like vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize