Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
