Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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