i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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