i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
