there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
