I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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