also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised