I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!