'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.