Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The Olympian is in my bed