Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?