Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
