Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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