she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
