Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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