Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
