someone get that fucking seahorse.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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