I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
