Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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