Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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