I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
