When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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