Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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