Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
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Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
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He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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