soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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