it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
