mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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