I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
ttyl tear gas
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize