dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
