i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
