What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
