Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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