I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm just crazy horny about you
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
