I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town