I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
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Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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