I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i believe in u and ur pee
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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