Can Purell be used as lube?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
