my mouth tastes like poor choices
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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