I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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