why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
