If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
