I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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