: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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