NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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