Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
