I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
