I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
