Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
