Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
