Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
