hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
