God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
