That's when you crack a 10am beer
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
