I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
