she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
